Nik Bowers works with parents of tweens and their growing kids to help foster better understanding and connection during that stage of life. Through collaborative conversations and guidance, she helps families navigate the tween years with empathy and insight, creating a stronger bond between parents and their children.

1. Tell us about yourself! 

I’m a former educator, principal, and professor who has spent my entire career working with middle schoolers. You’d think that would have prepared me for parenting my own daughters through middle school—but it was a completely different level of challenge, even with all my experience.

As I transitioned out of education, my daughters—who had finished middle school—told me, “Mom, you should write a book. Our friends didn’t get what we did growing up, and we feel so much more confident and prepared for high school than they do.” That moment made me realize just how much of a gap there was in helping parents guide their daughters through this stage. And so, Raising Beautiful Messes was born.

2.  What inspired you to do this kind of work with tweens? 

Honestly? It happened by accident.

I started writing a book with my daughters called Raising Beautiful Messes, focused on finding the beauty in middle school’s chaos while breaking generational patterns. But when I was told I needed an Instagram following to sell the book, I started posting about what I knew best—middle schoolers, girls, and parenting. It took off faster than I expected.

Then, a mom reached out and asked if I would coach her. I said yes, not fully realizing at the time how naturally coaching fit into my skill set. Coaching has been a part of my entire career—whether mentoring teachers, working with middle and high schoolers, or helping people with ADHD and executive function challenges. But what truly clicked for me was coaching moms.

Moms are the greatest influence in their daughters’ lives, and middle school can feel incredibly isolating. There’s this unspoken suffer in silence mentality that I don’t think is necessary. So I teach moms how to have real, meaningful conversations with their daughters, how to guide them through the messy middle school years, and how to step into their own growth as well.

As someone who has personally recovered from an eating disorder, I also know that therapy—whether twice a month or four times a month—only covers a handful of hours. Real change happens in the in-between moments of life. That’s where my work comes in—helping moms and daughters take action in those everyday moments that shape their relationship long-term.

3. What do you think sets your coaching style apart from others?

I've seen it all—in the trenches, in the hallways, on the field, in the wild.

I’ve worked with kids when they’re not with their parents, when they’re navigating friendships, figuring out who they are, and making choices that will shape their future. I’ve seen how, in just a few years, kids can transform when parents focus on the right things—and I’ve seen what happens when they don’t.

Behind closed doors, I’ve witnessed the raw, messy, complicated dynamics of human relationships. But more importantly, I’ve seen the hope within them. That experience gives me a unique ability to interpret tween behavior for moms in a way that actually makes sense—so they can communicate in a way their daughters understand.

My experience isn’t just from a classroom. It’s from the hallways, where I watched friendships form and fall apart. It’s from the fields, where I saw confidence built and broken. It’s from helping middle school girls develop The Beauty Project, a program designed to help them focus on their inner worth instead of external validation. I’ve seen their struggles, their self-doubt, and their resilience.

I don’t approach this work from theory. I come from years of hands-on experience. I know girls. I know moms. I understand the tension, the push and pull, the deep love wrapped in fear and frustration. And I bring all of that together—understanding, hope, and grace—to help moms and daughters rewrite their relationship in a way that lasts a lifetime.

4. What do you think parents need most right now? What about tween girls?

Parents need hope.

They need to know that where their child is right now is just one moment in a much bigger story. I help moms zoom out and see with a telescope instead of a microscope—to understand that these hard moments are part of the process of raising a strong, courageous young woman.

Moms also need permission to step into their own independence as their daughters gain theirs. It’s easy to lose yourself in motherhood, but one of the greatest gifts you can give your daughter is modeling what it looks like to keep growing, pursuing joy, and finding purpose outside of being a mom.

Tween girls, on the other hand, need leadership. They don’t need a mom who hovers over them or one who steps back entirely. They need a mom who walks beside them—guiding, supporting, and teaching them to make their own decisions with confidence.

5. What advice do you have for parents raising tween girls in today’s world?

Parenting is leadership.

When your daughter steps into puberty, you have to shift the way you lead her. She wants independence. You want respect. The key is collaboration.

Most of us weren’t raised this way—we were raised with “Do as I say.” In response, some of us have overcorrected in the other direction, giving too much freedom without enough guidance. Neither extreme works.

I challenge moms to grow out loud in front of their daughters—to model the behaviors they want to see, to label those behaviors, and to hold their daughters accountable with clarity and kindness. When you lead well, your daughter learns how to lead herself.

Parenting is leadership.

When your daughter steps into puberty, you have to shift the way you lead her. She wants independence. You want respect. The key is collaboration.

Most of us weren’t raised this way—we were raised with “Do as I say.” In response, some of us have overcorrected in the other direction, giving too much freedom without enough guidance. Neither extreme works.

I challenge moms to grow out loud in front of their daughters—to model the behaviors they want to see, to label those behaviors, and to hold their daughters accountable with clarity and kindness. When you lead well, your daughter learns how to lead herself.

6. Can you share a success story or a moment with a client that impacted you?

I have two—one long-term and one short-term—because transformation doesn’t have to take years.

The first is my very first client. She came to me when her daughter was in 5th grade, wanting to prepare for middle school. She thought she was ready. Then 6th grade hit, hormones took over, and everything changed. Over the years, I’ve worked with the entire family—mom, dad, daughter, and even their younger son. The way they’ve all learned to communicate, set clear expectations, and grow together has been incredible.

The second is a mom who came to me struggling with control. She knew she needed to let go, but she didn’t know how. Within three months, by shifting how she saw her daughter’s independence, everything in their home changed. I gave her permission to loosen her grip, and in return, she gained something even better—real connection.

7. Where do you see your business in the next five years, and what’s next for you?

My daughters have stepped into the world as exactly who they said they would be—and that’s the kind of confidence I want every girl to have.

We’re writing a book together about breaking generational cycles—what I did right, what I got wrong, and how we all grew from it.

Beyond that, I want to expand my community so moms and tween girls don’t feel so alone in this season. I’d love to host mom-daughter events and conferences where both can grow together—because this relationship is the foundation for everything to come.

8. Is there anything else you’d like to share with us?

There are five major shifts in a mother-daughter relationship:

1. Puberty
2. High school graduation and the transition to adulthood
3. Finding a life partner
4. Becoming a mother
5. Becoming a caregiver for her own mom

Puberty is the foundation of it all. This stage sets the tone for every phase to come. Right now, you are writing the beginning of your mother-daughter story—and both of you hold the pen.

Choose to lead with intention.